Chater 9 It's been a while,

I'm still spinning those plates! I've been working, studying, parenting, with a little bit of relaxing thrown in for good measure.

I've been taking time to digest and process some of the information from my therapeutics course.

I had already recognised my attachments to people are not always healthy and secure. I was aware that due to my own experiences as a child I tended to flit from anxious attachment to avoidant attachment.
I had been building up good levels of well-being in order to put myself in uncomfortable, vulnerable situations as I wanted to build healthy secure attachments.
 Despite already having some self awareness it has been challenging to revisit my narrative and take a good look myself.

It's funny how healthy and secure are a place of discomfort when this hasn't been our default position.  This is the case for so many of the children I work with. They are comfortable in a place of mistrust, anger, avoidance and anxiety.

With self awareness we can build new bridges to people, healthy, secure bridges. That's what I'm learning to do and that's what I will talk about with the children I am fortunate enough to work with. My workshops will be about building new bridges.

There is no shame in aknowledging our struggles. It takes courage to delve into our murky emotions, our fears, but in that place of vulnerability we can change our narrative. Our story can stray off the path of repeated mistakes and we can forge a new path.

As for myself, I have left the path of fear, mistrust, hiding, feeling shame that I was not good enough. That path was an ugly dark path that I decided was not a journey I wished to take any longer.

I stumbled around exploring, trying to get my bearings and I'm on another path now. I spend time looking at the beauty around me. I am unsure of my footings on this path so I'm taking it steady. There is no shame on this path so although it's still uncomfortable I can talk about my feelings. I'm learning to trust, to have a belief that it's all okay. I'm learning to enjoy the moment, to live in the now. To not feel anxious or avoid things incase I get hurt. If I don't hurt now then I can just be happy. I can love wholeheartedly without avoidance or anxiety as saboteurs. It's a good path I'm travelling on.

I'm a work in progress, my business is a work in progress but I'm getting there. All we can do is step by step move forward, value ourselves and value those around us, they're all part of the story.

Hannahx