Chater 9 It's been a while,

I'm still spinning those plates! I've been working, studying, parenting, with a little bit of relaxing thrown in for good measure.

I've been taking time to digest and process some of the information from my therapeutics course.

I had already recognised my attachments to people are not always healthy and secure. I was aware that due to my own experiences as a child I tended to flit from anxious attachment to avoidant attachment.
I had been building up good levels of well-being in order to put myself in uncomfortable, vulnerable situations as I wanted to build healthy secure attachments.
 Despite already having some self awareness it has been challenging to revisit my narrative and take a good look myself.

It's funny how healthy and secure are a place of discomfort when this hasn't been our default position.  This is the case for so many of the children I work with. They are comfortable in a place of mistrust, anger, avoidance and anxiety.

With self awareness we can build new bridges to people, healthy, secure bridges. That's what I'm learning to do and that's what I will talk about with the children I am fortunate enough to work with. My workshops will be about building new bridges.

There is no shame in aknowledging our struggles. It takes courage to delve into our murky emotions, our fears, but in that place of vulnerability we can change our narrative. Our story can stray off the path of repeated mistakes and we can forge a new path.

As for myself, I have left the path of fear, mistrust, hiding, feeling shame that I was not good enough. That path was an ugly dark path that I decided was not a journey I wished to take any longer.

I stumbled around exploring, trying to get my bearings and I'm on another path now. I spend time looking at the beauty around me. I am unsure of my footings on this path so I'm taking it steady. There is no shame on this path so although it's still uncomfortable I can talk about my feelings. I'm learning to trust, to have a belief that it's all okay. I'm learning to enjoy the moment, to live in the now. To not feel anxious or avoid things incase I get hurt. If I don't hurt now then I can just be happy. I can love wholeheartedly without avoidance or anxiety as saboteurs. It's a good path I'm travelling on.

I'm a work in progress, my business is a work in progress but I'm getting there. All we can do is step by step move forward, value ourselves and value those around us, they're all part of the story.

Hannahx

Chapter 8 fun,

I have been busy designing my first ever website ready for my 'way to well-being' launch. I've found building a website, working, taking care of a home, parenting and helping others, can feel like there isn't much time for fun. Although I am happy and thankful in all my roles, it can feel like running around spinning multiple plates!

Combine that with the constant bombardment of doom and gloom from news media and life can feel a little heavy.
Luckily laughter can be found in busiest of times in lots of funny ways, there can be joy in everything we do. I do think that hard work is important but it's also crucial to make time for fun.

We can't let life pass us by because we are too tired, too busy, too broke. We need to get all we can out of every moment to feel really fulfilled.

Some of the children I see are weighed down by the seriousness of their lives others by the stress of needing to please and achieve, all in all, a little fun is required. The game workshop is designed not only to teach useful skills but it is also meant to be fun. During the workshops, we will promote laughter and fun through play.

Laughter is contagious, it reduces the bodies stress response, it boosts immunity, increases resilience, relieves pain and combats depression. We all need a good laugh for the health benefits.

Fun impacts the way our brains function, makes us feel safer and helps us connect with each other. Everyone benefits from having more fun together.

Carving out some time for fun is good for our well-being, we can do this in the simplest of ways. Today I decided to change up my slightly low mood with a bit of glitter. I donned my sparkly purple cardigan and silver glittery shoes for work and I had fun with my outfit, I also got quite a few compliments!

So whether it be planning a holiday, making some time on your days off for fun as well as chores, dancing around the kitchen to your favuorite songs with your loved ones, playing a board game or just watching a comedy make sure that you balance the stresses and strains of life with a bit of fun and laughter.

As for me I might take a little break from plate spinning and go and find something fun to do.


Hannah x

Chapter 7 Kindness is not weakness,

The overriding theme of my game workshop will be kindness, both to ourselves and others.
I have been reflecting on kindness and its perceived link with weakness.

It seems to me that the loud, go getters, the people who make demands, who place the most importance on their own needs being met are seen as strong. The 'get what you want at all costs', chasing your own success and happiness attitude does not make you strong.

It takes courage and strength to truly look at ourselves, move from a place of selfishness and realign our values to understand the value of kindness and how that can impact on our own lives and the lives of those around us.

Compassion and kindness are a source of strength. Feeling like we are making a difference in the world and helping those around us brings us joy and gives us meaning.

This all starts with us being kind to ourselves, if we are not kind to ourselves then naturally we don't value the kindness of others.

I think the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest is used to justify selfishness, meanness and cruelty, what we forget is that key to our survival is cooperation, working together and looking after each other. In the descent of man Darwin mentions survival of the fittest twice and love over ninety times. We survive and flourish when we help each other.

Being kind does not make me a pushover, I do not allow myself to get walked over. I have self respect and boundaries. I do not lack ambition, I am not an easy target.
I have courage and have faced challenges but I am not all up in your face with my confidence and brilliance. I am happy to care and be compassionate for those around me.
The welfare of others is important to me, that is of benefit to everyone.

I can challenge others when necessary but I choose to do this in a positive manner rather than bulldozing people with criticism. I have enough strength of character to know I don't need to assert my authority over others.

I am kind but I am not emotionally frail. I don't think being rude and disparaging the kind efforts of others means someone is strong, powerful or admirable.

Let's not focus on raising strong children let's do all we can to raise kind children.

Chapter 6 learning new things,

One of the five ways to well-being is to keep learning. it doesn't matter what age we are there is always something more to learn.

Today was a day off work for me, I guess for many working parents a day off is far from the relaxing day one might envisage.
For me a day off consists of catching up with all the jobs that are on standby until said day off!

 So today it's been three loads of washing, taking daughter to the hairdressers, taking same daughter to college, food shopping, hoovering, entering the teenage pit to remove washing up and rubbish that has been festering, cooking, walking the dog, cleaning out the salad drawer of the fridge that had started to ooze, paying bills, fitting in a swim and finally sitting down at my laptop to build "The way to well-being" website!

Fortunately all these jobs don't make me grumpy, I am doing them from a place of love to care for my family, make a nice comfortable home for us and I accept they just need doing. I do however have hopes and aspirations that I might be able to earn more and enjoy a few little luxury breaks here and there, I am motivated by the thought of a lovely hotel room, or a quaint villa, rather than just the tent we will be holidaying in this year. I think it's great to be content and thankful for what I have, but to also hold onto hopes and dreams as motivation to achieve a little more. Using the law of attraction, positive thinking and hard work I will get to you villa in the sun with a pool, hotel room in a country house, boat trip through the fjords, a little glamour would be greatly enjoyed!

So that's a little motivation to create my website,anyone who knows me is well aware that I have been born in the wrong century. Technology and I are not a good match but I am learning something new and I feel excited and empowered that I can do something I thought would be impossible. My website construction is underway!!! I may require a little help and support but I'm giving it a go.

Chapter 5

 Over the past few days I have been exploring Love and fear and the effects they have on our well-being. Through the board game that I am creating we will learn about emotions, how to recognise them and how to have control over them.

Understanding and reflecting on our emotions means we can improve our emotional wellness therefore increasing our sense of well-being.

Experts say people who are emotionally well have fewer negative emotions and can bounce back from difficulties. This ability is known as resilience, another aspect of well-being that will be explored during the game.

For me the key to having more positive emotions than negative and holding onto those positive feelings for longer is linked to daily practices.

If I spend time in mindfulness I can create a peace and calmness within myself. Taking time to list the things I am grateful for each day helps me feel a sense of positivity.

Ensuring my levels of self esteem do not dip really makes a difference to feelings of anxiety. Through self reflection I am aware that feelings of anxiety arise in me when I have a low level of self worth, when I don't feel good enough. This can mean I experience negative emotions and then impacts negatively on relationships in my life.

Once I recognised this I worked on myself, learning strategies to improve my self esteem, tools to improve self esteem will be weaved into the board game as so many of the children I work with have very low self esteem.

 Positive affirmations and excercise have worked wonders in my life, they help me accept who I am, love myself warts and all, and mean I feel worthy and accepting of any love and kindness I am lucky enough to experience. 

Having good self esteem also creates in me a better level of resilience which means I feel I am strong and independent, able to cope with any of life's upsets should they arise.

Over the Christmas holidays I didn't take much time for self care, I didn't make it to the pool to swim, I didn't practice any yoga and I noticed a dip in my feelings of self esteem this also was partnered with more of a need to get my validation from other people. I recognise this and the slight anxiety that came fluttering back in and so I am back at the pool and speaking positive affirmations to myself.

I feel it is important that I am self aware and have fully explored my own emotions in order for me to create a game that will help the children learn about emotional health.

Reflecting back on gratitude I am very thankful for friends who have been on my life journey with me, with whom I can bare my insecurities and fears and who offer love, acceptance and reassurance.

I am thankful for my children, they give me a reason to always want to do better, to be better.

I am thankful for a lovely dog who is my companion.

I am thankful that I have a Mum and Dad and their partners who support me.

I am thankful for a comfortable, safe home.

I am even thankful for all the tough times, the mistakes I've made that have helped develop, learn and grow.

I am thankful for the wise people who I learn from, colleagues, particularly my head teacher.

I am thankful that I might actually get this game up and running with the support from www.swindonconsultants.co.uk

I am thankful for my relationship with someone special and their lovely children. They have helped me continue to grow, to want to be courageous in not hiding behind defensive walls but bravely loving in a way that makes me vulnerable. It is a little scary but very rewarding. I am glad I decided I was ready to take my heart out of it's safety box!

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Chapter 4 fear and well-being,

In my last blog I shared my thoughts on Love and the positive impact a healthy true love can have on well-being. Some say the opposite emotion of love is fear.
It is difficult to face our fears but unacknowledged fear is toxic.

 I have noted from my work and from my own personal reflections that so very often the root of anger, bitterness, resentment, sadness is actually fear.

Love is strong, secure, concerned with others over oneself, it is happy, calm, it helps growth, it is productive, it is generous.

Fear is selfish, insecure, weak, self absorbed, inhibits productivity and growth, it is the reversal of each aspect of the dynamics of love.

All through the day our actions, the choices we make are either coming from a place of love or fear. For instance a very simple example of this for me is to do with the dishwasher!
 I'm not so keen on unloading it, in fact all those unglamorous jobs, dishes, taking bins out etc they're not my favourite things to do.
If I'm acting from a place of love I do these things because I want to care for those around me, I want to ease their day, I want to demonstrate my love in an act of service. It doesn't take long and I am cheerful in my task. I can feel happy and at peace whilst doing something I'm not keen on.
If I do the same task coming from a place of fear, where I feel I have to do the task to prove my worth, to feel good enough then I would not feel cheerful in my task, I would feel bitter, feel like the martyr and this is no good for my well-being or for those around me! It is about being willing to stop trying to prove that we are a good person and just being that good person.

 When we act out of love we are open and honest, when we act out fear we are closed and shallow. It is scary to look deeply at our motivations, to face our fears. I think acceptance is key, acceptance of ourselves and others, to feel worthy despite imperfections and to then have the confidence to be vulnerable. In vulnerability we can give and receive love deeply, we can ensure our actions are coming from a place of love and we can face and challenge the fears and anxities that lurk within us.

In even the smallest moments in life we can reject fear and choose love.

Chapter 3 Love and well-being,
To facilitate well-being in others it causes me to reflect on what it means to have a good level of well-being myself.
To me it's a level of health with fluctuations, it's the health of ones mind, body and spirit working together to create a sense that all is well. With good well-being we can cope with the imperfections of life and we are resilient.
A good level of well-being means we don't just survive life but we thrive and enjoy life.

I believe love has a big impact on our well-being, when we can give and receive love without fear it creates a wonderful energy, it fuels our well-being.
So often we stay in relationships with people who bring us down, we choose people who are wrong for us, we try and make them right and we get broken in the process.

Through painful experiences we can learn the most valuable lessons, maybe there is no such thing as a mistake. Perhaps our souls are preparing and learning so that they can recognise a healthy, positive relationship.
Through learning about what is toxic to us we are able to understand more fully who we are, what hurts us and what is good for us. We can then recognise healthy love.

We can transform ourselves through painful experiences. We can become healed, whole and strong ready for true love.

When we find true love it is not about drama, it is not about stress and sleepless nights, it is not about trying to be something you are not or about trying to make someone else into something they are not.
It feels calm and caring, it is about acceptance, it is about staying true to yourself but feeling empowered to be the best version of you that you possibly can be.

So having learned my lessons I will ensure my well-being is at a good level by steering clear of toxic relationships, loving in a whole hearted yet healthy way, keeping my body healthy, being kind to myself and others and expressing my creativity where ever possible......and so on with designing my game!